I Have A Confession To Make

I Like Made for TV Movies. 

 Okay there, I said it!

I do not like ironing and I do not like putting new shoelaces in shoes. Maybe I had some kind of ironing trauma as a child.

I think I do remember a shoelace breaking off and hitting me in the nose once.  

It's okay to be a little weird 

The point of all of these confessions is to point out that it's okay to be a little weird.

We are all a little weird. And it's okay if other people know it.  

The other point of all these confessions is to to show you that we all have preferences for things we like and for things we don't like. I don't like ironing! 

Morgan Freeman once said in some made for TV movie. "If there's something you really want to do in life, what's the point not doing it."

The opposite is true too. If there's something you really don't like doing, give it to somebody who does enjoy it. Now you are benefiting both of you. 

What is it that you're doing in your life that you really don't enjoy doing?  

Obviously there's some things in life that we feel we have to do, even if we don't enjoy them. But, there are a lot of things we put up with that we could easily delegate or hire out to others. 

It's All About What You Value 

I value my personal time. I love writing blogs, but I don't enjoy the technical aspects of getting them on my web page. 

Spending my time creating a website is going to frustrate me and drain my energy. And I don't need to do it. There are plenty of people out there who do enjoy it. (The woman who put this webpage together did amazing work! And she loves it!)

When you can clearly define your values (least importance to highest importance), then you can set your priorities. And doing that is one of the keys to understanding yourself. 

Values Versus Beliefs  

Beliefs are your convictions or assumptions that you accept as true, even without concrete evidence to support them. Your beliefs shape your understanding of the world. 

Beliefs are the hypotheses you hold to be true, but are not necessarily based on facts.

Your beliefs are things like: I'm good enough, I'm smart enough. You hold beliefs about politics, social habits, religion. 

Beliefs don't need proof. Beliefs grow from what you experience and think about. 

Your values on the other hand, are the principles that guide your behavior. They guide your actions and help you make decisions.

Values are things like fairness, justice, organization, trust, accountability, neatness, passion selflessness, respect.  

Value's dictate how you judge what's considered good or bad.

For instance,  if you grew up in a small town you might put a higher value on neighborhood communities than somebody who grew up in a big city.  

Your perceptions, reactions, decisions and behaviors are all expressions of your values.  

Why living by Your values Matters 

By taking actions that align with your top values, you're being true to yourself. These actions will be inspiring from within. You don't need external motivation when you're performing things that resonate deeply within you.

These are the actions that make you feel fulfilled. These are the actions that are in line with your life purpose.  

We all know what it feels like to do something that aligns with who we are.

Maybe we help out at school, or lead a group on an outing, or write an inspiring letter to a friend.

Maybe you teach or council or create something.These actions, when in alignment with your own values, leave you feeling elated, usually out of proportion to the act that you performed.

You might not even know why you feels so good afterwards. It's because you were being true to what you value. 

If there's something you really want to do in life, what's the point in not doing it ? 

Holding Ourselves Back  

Have you ever asked yourself what is holding you back from achieving the things you want most to do in your life?  

The majority of people loop a story in their head that they buy into. It's a story that centers around the fact that life is happening to them, instead of for them.

It's as if they are in the passenger seat of life with little control over where they're headed.  

Have you had any dreams where you were the passenger and not the driver?

When you're not the driver, then you don't know the route that the car is going to take or how to navigate any detours or roadblocks. 

One of the reasons we do this in dreams is because we've undermined our value. We have depreciated ourselves.  

Getting Into the Flow 

When you are constantly doing tasks that you don't enjoy, you are devaluing yourself. This can lead you to doubt your abilities to do other things well. "I just don't have what it takes." 

Think of it this way, if you're doing something that you really enjoy, and you get into the flow, if you become totally unaware of the passage of time, then you're not stopping to tell yourself that what you're doing is wrong and you're not good enough. Instead, you are appreciating yourself.  

We All Have Those Days 

Each of us  has had days where we've just been putting out fires and ticking off things to do.

At the end of the day we collapse and feel totally unfulfilled despite what we accomplished. That's because these were low priorities. 

On the other hand, we've all had days where we did things that were high on our priority list and at the end of the day felt like we've scored a home run.  

Living by Your Values Changes You

Living by your values actually changes your brain chemistry.

When you are out of alignment with your desires and your intuition, then your focus has shifted from internal validation to external validation. You then start to fill your day with low priority, un-fulfilling activities and you actually cause a chemical reaction to occur in your brain that alters the release of neurotransmitters that affect your mood, your focus, and your energy levels.

You dopamine and cortisol levels become unbalanced. You feel unfocused, distracted. You feel unmotivated. 

When you fill your day with high priority, fullfilling activities, those neurotransmitters are engaging your reward system with chemicals that are linked to pleasure, better mood and inspiration - the same chemicals lead to resilience and stamina. 

Which neuro-brain cocktail sounds more delicious to you? In one case you're activating pain avoidance, and in the other case you're activating pleasure.  

When you live by your highest values, you're moving over into the driver's seat. You are no longer staying vulnerable to outside influences and being distracted by the circumstances of others. 

When the voice on the inside is louder than the all the voices around you, you begin to be in control of your life. 

Making a Difference 

One of the most important things we can do for ourselves is to feel that we're making a difference.

But you won't be able to do that if you're just trying to fit in and become somebody you're not. (Like if you're afraid to be weird.) 

Take the driver's seat. Grab the steering wheel. Engage in activities that inspire you.

When you do that, you'll be inspiring others. So what if you're a little weird?  Others will see that weirdness and feel okay with being weird themselves.

By following your own values, you leave a lasting impression on people around you. 

Sounds simple right? 

I Didn't Take My Own Advice  

I was on a beach in India. I was watching an amazing sunset. I wanted to get up and run down the beach and jump in the water.

But I didn't. I wasn't wearing a bathing suit. I was fully dressed. People would look at me.

It would have just been wrong.  

Then I saw a woman, a foreigner, dancing barefoot on the beach. She was so graceful. Her eyes were closed. She didn't care what anybody thought of her. She didn't care that groups of young Indian men had gathered to point and click pictures. She just danced. She was in the flow. 

It was at that moment that I knew I wanted to be like that. I realized that dancing on the beach (just being me) was what was missing in my life.

I was putting so many limits on my behavior that I wasn't being me anymore. If there was something I wanted to do, what was the point in not doing it?  

Instead of being myself, I was being somebody I wasn't. I was spending a whole lot of energy holding myself back from what I wanted to be.

At the time, I didn't give myself permission to shine, to be weird, to be authentic. Being me was missing in my life. 

It's Hard to Love Yourself if You're Not Yourself.  

When you value yourself, the world will value you. You won't live in the imposter syndrome where you're constantly trying to change yourself or others.  

Embrace your greatness. Be weird. Move over into the driver's seat.

And if there's something you really want to do in life, what's the point in not doing it?