The Pendulum Effect

A pendulum swings back and forth between two extremes. So does life.

In our outer world, the stock market swings between highs and lows. The moon swings between new and full.

In our inner world, our energy levels swing high to low. Our heartbeat swings between contraction and relaxation. Our breath swings between inhalation and exhalation. Even our arms swing back and forth when we walk.

On a larger scale, the universe swings between ascending and descending consciousness.

Emotionally we swing too. We have periods of happiness followed by periods of sadness. We experience euphoria and anguish, joy and despair, love and hate. None of the emotional extremes are ever a constant state for long; the pendulum always swings.

It is the nature of the pendulum, that it is impossible to feel only one side of it for long. 

In the center of the pendulum lies equilibrium, that point where the ball will eventually come to rest without interference. This is the balanced state. In the case of emotions, it is that point you return to after experiencing emotional swings. It is that familiar state of calm.

Ideally, staying in the middle, in that calm seemingly normal state, would be the ultimate goal. However being able to maintain that middle point isn't always easy.  

Although we are called human beings, most of us are in fact human-doings. We have forgotten how to BE and so we strive to DO constantly. We do things, we experience things, we run, we chase, we build.

We are forever striving to move. (That's why sitting in meditation and doing what appears to be nothing is so hard for most of us.) Movement of course swings the pendulum.  

But even when we do reside in our stillpoint, in the center of the pendulum, many of us are still off balance. By that I mean, the state that 'feels the most comfortable' may not necessarily be the state that is best for you. (That's why above I called it the seemingly normal state.) 

The Caffeine Analogy 

I'm going to use an analogy of caffeine. You wake up in the morning and have a cup of coffee to give you an energy boost. But, once the caffeine wears off, you get a caffeine crash, your energy, mood and performance are now lower than normal. (That's the pendulum working.) 

Now, if you continue to drink caffeine every day, the brain will start feeling overstimulated, and therefore starts producing chemical receptors to counter that stimulation.

This means that eventually you develop a tolerance to caffeine. Now you need more caffeine, more cups of coffee, to get you going through the day. You've basically reset that middle point on the pendulum.

You've created in your body a new normal state. You've become dependent on caffeine so that now you "need" to have that cup of coffee just to function at what was previously the 'before coffee' normal state. 

I use this analogy to point out that behaviors can influence the equilibrium point of the pendulum. 

The Equilibrium Point  

The middle between the two extremes, the equilibrium point, is where we feel the most comfortable. This is the state that we naturally come back to in order to rest. We don't stay in a heightened state of happiness or sadness, or (fill in your favorite emotional extreme). We always swing back to middle. 

But why is it that often that middle, that place that we feel the most comfortable, isn't necessarily the best place for us?

Think of the new normal you created when you drank all that caffeine. It feels normal to be drinking a lot of caffeine in order to sustain your middle point, but it isn't necessarily good for you.  

Why a Bad Situation Can Feel Comfortable 

As human beings we like conflict and resolution. Try to read a novel or watch a movie that has no conflict and you'll be yawning pretty quickly. That's the pendulum swinging back and forth. If it isn't swinging, we feel like life has become boring. (Boy meets girl, boy gets girl, end of movie. Boring.)

The boy has to get the girl and then lose the girl and then struggle to get the girl back at all odds. Now that's a movie. When we experience drama and conflict, and the negative emotions that arise from them, we become motivated to feel the opposite, which is the relief of those bad feelings. (Blockbuster hit!) 

We can relate this to music too. In music, tension is created and then resolved. Without being conscious of it, we expect that when there is a dissonant note in music that it will be resolved. The pendulum will swing the other way. But if it isn't resolved, we're left hanging.   

If you are left hanging enough times, that dissonant note may become your new normal simply by the fact that you have experienced it over and over.

You become familiar with it. When you become familiar with something it becomes comfortable.  When something becomes comfortable, it becomes predictable. You have just redefined the pendulum middle.

The pendulum middle is the point where you feel comfortable. And again, I don't mean you feel happy. I mean you feel that things are predictable. They are comfortable because of that predictability.  

Repetition builds familiarity. Familiarity builds comfort. 

This is why we often stay in bad situations. We have reset the pendulum middle such that that bad situation has now become familiar and therefore predictable.

Now you've gotten used to a feeling. You can predict what's going to happen. You have reset your internal emotional pendulum middle to accept this predictable feeling as normal, even though it might not be what's best for you, or even something you desire. You keep going back there though because it feels comfortable.  

Why Does Familiarity Feel Good? 

Familiarity feels good because it takes less mental effort to process an interaction when you are with someone or something familiar.

That's because you know what to expect (predictability) from a person, or a situation or a place. (It's easier to decide to go to the same restaurant, than try a new one, for instance, because with the familiar restaurant you know what to expect.)  

This is because as human beings we have evolved to prioritize safety. The amygdala, the part of brain responsible for detecting threats and initiating survival responses, is also responsible for recognizing whether we have seen an object or person before. A person, place or food we've encountered repeatedly without being harmed by it, means that it is safe from potential threat.

Ah, but a new experience - well, that could potentially hurt us. In other words, we tend to avoid situations we haven't yet been exposed to because they may be dangerous. If we stick with the familiar, we feel safe.  

But because we favor familiarity, we can inadvertently put ourselves in a familiar and comfortable situation even when it isn't good for our growth and well-being.  

In The Groove

Think of a record whose needle is continually going around and around making a groove. That's what you've done by living in what you perceive as your comfort zone for a long time. You're created a groove.  

So how do you change that? Well, you need to pave over that groove you've made, and move the needle over.

You don't have to move it far, just a tiny bit to the right or left, and begin creating a new groove, a new comfortable middle point. Like an instrument that is off key, you require tuning. 

The Bad News 

Yup, there's some bad news. Just because you move the needle over and  reset your middle point, you're not done. Just like you can get a chiropractic adjustment to align your back, walk out the door, step off the curb and put yourself out of alignment again, your middle point can go whompy again too.  

Healing is a journey that you roll along.  

This is life. We are always in and out of alignment. But, each misalignment can become less severe if you get used to the correct balanced state. 

The First Step - It's Huge 

The first step towards resetting your middle point is to recognize that there is an imbalance. This is huge. Most of the time we go through life without even knowing that we're unbalanced. We don't do anything about our situation  because we don't really know there's a problem.

Our brains think our situation is ok because it's predictable and safe. So consequently, we don't move out of our comfort zone.  

Sometimes, we do recognize that we don't like our situation, but we're still unable to move out of it because we don't understand the underlying cause of our discomfort.

Again, it's our brains thinking everything is comfortable and predictable right here, so don't rock the boat. 

You can treat the symptom of discomfort, but the problem will still be there underneath the surface. 

Before you can take truly healing action, you need to understand what the underlying issue is. 

Discovering Your Imbalance

This is where your dreams come in. I talk a lot about analyzing your dreams, for the obvious reason that it works. Your dreams are constantly telling you what needs to be realigned in your life.

Your dreams give you specific situations that led to your pendulum middle being unbalanced, and they tell you why you keep going back to behaviors that you know are not good for you, but feel comfortable.

Sometimes you are not even aware that a pattern is unhealthy because you have been familiarized with it since childhood.  

Your dreams will also tell you how you can heal. Because your dreams are specific to you, they give you the right advice for YOU.

Your dream advice is not what's going to be right for me. It's tailored specifically to you. 

People are all different. (That's what makes life so cool.) there's not one form of exercise for anybody. Nor is there one type of meditation for everybody.  Meditating in the lotus pose for an hour might drive you crazy.  Or, drinking that green drink smoothie - ooo yum, ooo gross.

But your dreams always tell you what's right for YOU.  (My dreams specifically told me that after 30 years of being a vegetarian I was supposed to be eating meat. Believe me I rebelled at first.) 

Why It's Good to Be Off Balance? 

Knowing when you're off balance is important.  

Being off tune in music creates tension. But music without tension is often perceived as boring. Musical tension creates anticipation, which is then resolved by a satisfying release.

It's the same in life. In fact, we sometimes seek thrills just to put us off center so that we can have the relief of being back in center.

Think of a thrilling carnival ride that has you scared to death while you're on it, yet afterwards you may rave to your friends how amazing it was.  

Occasionally being off balance is beneficial  because it acts as a catalyst for change, prompting you to reflect on your life and make necessary adjustments.  

In fact, If you're never off balance, you will never know what being balanced feels like. Take for instance a singer who is always singing off key. He only know he's off key if he can compare that to what it feels like to be on key. Then when he's singing and does slip off key, he can become aware of it and make a correction. 

It's the same way with anything really. When you don't feel well, how do you know this? Well, you know because you know what well feels like; you have experienced the opposite.

But when you get so accustomed to feeling unwell that you forget what well feels like, you've reset your pendulum middle. 

Such Is Life 

That's the way life works. We're in balance, we're out of balance, we're in balance, we're out of balance. Staying in any heightened state is impossible.

The pendulum must swing back toward the center and then compensate by going to the other side. Ideally we'd like to rest in the center of a well-balanced pendulum, but that's not always the way life is. 

Sometimes we think what we want is to maintain that super happy, amazing, exuberant state of mind. But try that and see what happens. It's not sustainable.

Even if you were able to maintain that exuberant state long term, that would them become the new normal and like those extra cups of coffee in the morning; you would need more and more dopamine in this case, to feel that way again.

It would become harder and harder to move away that new comfortable middle. In fact, you may even lose faith in your ability to do that.  

One of the most important steps you can take is to become aware of your behavior and patterns.

When you can realize that certain patterns cause you to feel anxious, insecure or unhappy, you can begin to take actions to change them. 

Remember, the unknown is a potential threat. As a result, even if the situation is harmful or unproductive to your growth, your brain may still prefer it because it's familiar.

Familiarity means predictability, and predictability requires less brain energy to process. Unfortunately this can lead to staying in unhealthy cycles.  

Your brain isn't wired for happiness, it's wired for survival. 

Your brain prefers to avoid the uncertainty and potential risks associated with change. When your environment feels familiar, even if it's painful, the brain relaxes.

It thinks "Ok, I know this feeling. I've survived this before. We're okay."  

But, continually going back to the familiar ways of living that are not necessarily good for you, are stopping you from growing and moving forward. 

Getting Into a New Groove 

Growth, change and healing all come with uncertainty. That's why stepping into something new, even if it's better for you, can feel terrifying. Your brain interpreted this as a red flag risk.  

Remember, you're never going to eliminate emotional swings completely. The goal is to cultivate awareness and recognize that each swing of your pendulum is an opportunity for growth and deeper understanding of yourself.

This is why if you familiarize yourself with a new safe zone, you can create a new middle for the pendulum.  

You listen to what your body and mind are telling you. You listen to your dreams.

You begin to release old habits and patterns that are holding you back (pave over the old record groove). You become aware of any emotions that trigger a strong reaction. These are signs that something important matters to you, and is in need of attention.

When you pay attention and take small action steps to pave a new groove, you change the pendulum middle to create a new and better comfort zone.